this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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