You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Randomize
