i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
