Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
