I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
