How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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