he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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