also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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