just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
