Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
