I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
