One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
