That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
