Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
