I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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