Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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