she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
