Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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