so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
