She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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