my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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