That's intense
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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