I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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