I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
