dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
