Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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