Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
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