no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
