A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
