I think I died a long time ago.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
