So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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