a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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