i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
