Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
