All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I touched a dick in church today
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
