Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My ATM looks so different sober.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
