I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
