Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
