the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
