In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She's the barista slut.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
