I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
