I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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