My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
