So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
