If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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