do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
