im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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