i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
