I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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