A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
