You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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