Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize