So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
