So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
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