How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize