eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
