If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
