I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
