I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
