Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
