i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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