Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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