Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
