FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Is Oprah even human
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
