God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize