i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
