I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
