I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
