how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
