So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
