my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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