God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
