thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
worst night to have a conscience
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
