you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
