turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Mom said you looked used
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
