There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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