yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The best revenge is premature balding
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
