My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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