i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
